hi every1!

lena doesnt feel 2 good rite now and doesnt giv who reads this, nor do i care wat the crap u want 2 say about it.

its that dreadful day of the wk caled wednes and i jus w8d like 15 mins in the furious wind and cold 4 u 2 pik me up. even the skool buses were faster than u, b glad i even w8d.

u took al my money last nite, and m hapy 2 giv it 2 u coz its not even 4 urself. u spent more than al the money i jus gave u, and wat? that money came outa thin air , ay?

where in the world did u manage 2 pul out anothr xtra hundreds of dolars after u drain evry cent from me?

even up 2 this point, i was hapy 2 b siting nxt 2 u in a car.

but hey, who said nething was enuf 4u.

even a lil sumtin that i buy 4 myself is money wasted 2u. coz wat? i didnt giv u the money so u can spend it on urself? coz i should nevr own a single material item cept the book i stik my face in 2 study?

u take al my youth alowance, nevr evr paid me bak 4 nething, i even work 4 my own money and GAVE it al 2 u hapily and then even wat god ofers wil nevr b enuf in u and ur greed.

im in my hsc terms, i work part time job and i STIL go 2 that church that uve torn me apart 2 make me atend 4 the past 7 solid deadly yrs. do u even noe how torturous that place is, do u noe how much i long 2 live and c that place burn down 2 its own ashes?

and 4 at least 5 yrs, i nevr spoke a thing.

i wil nevr study enuf 4 u 2 shut up, i wil nevr b rich enuf 4 u 2 shut up, i wil nevr evr b able 2 achieve nething good enuf 4 u 2 shutup, and this is y i dun try nemore.

this is y i nevr try and stay longer than 10 mins at teh diner table, even if i havent eaten a single bite, coz this is ur grande chance 2 tel the whole universe/friends about wat i nevr do enuf of,evrything u h8 about me and te things that u dun think il evr get, and then u get 2 pleasantly wach me sufer silently as i leave and starve after 2 meals a day, in my rm, not bing able 2 say a single thing bak 2 ur ugly face. u mite as wel b swearing at the top of ur lungs and b burning me alive. at least ur sister lets me use the stove and feed myself.

and this is y i dun try 2 study. wel not all of it. i dun study wat i cant do, coz its simple.

im 17.

and i cant do it.

ur much older.

and u cant even shut up.

mite as wel do wat i actualy can. and gues wat, u ignorant bastard? its art. its not studying from a txt book, its not puting myself thru that xcrui8ing proces of becoming a sucesful doctor or lawyer, its not even sumtin u can brag abotu 2 ur friends. its not sumtin that wil get no judgement from ne1 - i dun care wat ppl think about my future dream bing art, i jus noe u do.

and thru this al, i nevr complain. i am hapy going thru hsc not toping evry single clas, ok? and i wil nevr sufer a single day coz i like it here.

1ce was my bigest fear. fear was al i felt coz i didnt noe wat i was doing rong, no matr how hard i tried 2 understand. but i noe u now, and this time ur xcrui8ing. im not scared, im angry. i noe wat ur after now, and u wil nevr take that away. ur hapy and try 2 cook me sumtin nice, but then wen i sit down 2 eat it, u scream al in my face and ur life becomes so meaningles in my world.

let me list evrything that would make me perfect 2 u, jus 2 emphasise ur unbelievable love 2wards my dread:

• own the folowing outfits only: 1 sumer, 1 winter, unifrm.
• own only 2 pairs of shoes: casual and skool.
• hav a bland empty rm wid only books that i study from
• nevr complain, even wen ur swearing at the top of ur lungs and trying 2 take more from me than i alredy am.
• tel evry 1 of ur friends my dream is a doctor and im coming 1st in evry subject
• nevr hav friends that laugh, wear hi heels, or r boys.
• nevr feel ne sort of emotion - nevr hapy wen i come 2nd in a exam, jus coz i didnt come 1st. nevr sad coz m supose take al the friken dumb crap from u and not say nething bak.
• obey evry bilion of the stupidest demands u giv me, and then let u scream at me wile m trying coz there (jus so friken hapens) that there r anothr bilion things u h8 about me that u love throwing in2 my face.
• nevr spend ne sort of money on myself unles its a bus fare
• nevr spend ne money on ne1 else (xcept 4 u, of course) coz its wasting money.
• and worst of al, pretend that none of my anger exists wen my dad is around coz u want him 2 think evrythings fine.

ur ignorance stil amazes me.